Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
Shop deviantART for the
holidays and save BIG!
Click here! :holly:
[x]

deviantART

:woohoo:
 


It's dark outside, and your pins are dropping.
     it's too loud- too loud
I've told you.

The matches smell like you. Smokey and hot,
too soft.
just let me hold you and be safe.


My skin knows your touch.
I swear it knows the print.
     goose bumps rise and ripple
for you.

Smooth calluses on my hips-
     swaying back and forth.
freckles being traced, connected,
like
     stars.

We're like the circus-- you and I.
swirling, twirling.
     Until the lights are off and the tent decays.
still our magic won't fade.

Your lips, the ridges,
     I sear, I know each one.
my neck can't swoon, but I'm sure
it's
     tried.

It's dark outside, and my heart is beating, rebounding
off yours.
     it's too loud- too loud.
I've told you.
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
:icondecembersdemon:

Author's Comments

what now?

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsadisticxangel:
i know this isn't critique but..
me likey.
=]

--
~~I'm a bitch, everyone knows that~~
~~~~~~~~This one bites~~~~~~~~
---------------Sadistic.x.Angel---------------
:icondecembersdemon:
hahhaha.
I'm glad you likey.

thank you.
:]

--
why, team Emmet of course.
:iconsadisticxangel:
no worries

--
~~I'm a bitch, everyone knows that~~
~~~~~~~~This one bites~~~~~~~~
---------------Sadistic.x.Angel---------------
:iconblue-strawberry:
"Smooth calluses on my hips-
swaying back and forth.
freckles being traced, connected,
like
stars."


squeeee!

I fail when it comes to advance critique, too.

now? now you write lots more like this yuppppp. :heart:

--
You have four nostrils, just to let you know.
:icondecembersdemon:
haha thank you :]


I do hope I'll be able to crank some more out.
:P
:heart:

--
why, team Emmet of course.
:iconblue-strawberry:
me too!

:heart:

--
You have four nostrils, just to let you know.
:icondutchgirlie07:
I really like that the stanza flow bounces...reminds me of big bouncy balls that you might see in the circus. I think I'm most impressed with the metaphor you used. Life, including relationships, are crazy and confusing and colorful, and I think you captured that feeling in this. Great job.

--
You're not here to dictate your life to someone else. You write your own story. WRITE IT. Live it. Love it.
:icondecembersdemon:
oh thank you thank you so much!
even though I wrote this a while ago, it still makes me smile.
:]

--
why, team Emmet of course.

Details

November 16, 2008
1.2 KB

Statistics

11
6 [who?]
108 (0 today)
0 (0 today)

Site Map